Perspective...on plan A

To begin with, let me just say that if you have been checking in on the progress of our transition from "unsettled-apartment-living" to buying our first house and getting "TRUELY settled" :

We did not get the bid on the house I mentioned in the previous post.

Apparently the bank decided to go with the other buyer.
Apparently there WAS another buyer after all.
At least I'm not suspicious of THAT anymore!

The last 24 hours or so have been difficult for Matt and I. First, Noah has not been this sick in a LOOOONG time, maybe ever. So we are all living with a huge lack of sleep and are on round the clock Noah care, it seems. Then, this house thing. Let's just say we are sulking pretty disappointed. We found out the "bad news" yesterday afternoon from our realtor--1st to Matt, while he was out on the golf course with a few guys from church, then he called to pass on the news to me. He'd already been having a terrible day playing-wise, worrying about all he still needed to do for this weekend's teen event and feeling guilty that he was out having a "day off" and spending money on golf instead of spending time at home with his sick son and ti-yerd wife...at least that's what he told me when he got home a few hours later. You know this has hit him hard because he has sworn off golf until we get INTO a house. That's pretty huge.

The reason why we're taking this so hard is because this was our last full weekend to look at houses and get something rolling before (30 days) the summer of constant travel hits. And that is the deadline we've had since we found out we were moving here. More specifically, it was a house we really liked, had been watching for a while, felt like we missed out on the first time due to circumstances outside of our control and feeling pretty sure that because it came back around, it was meant for us....we got our hopes/expectations up. It's so wierd to be feeling so much frustration and disappointment over this whole situation. We've never had to go thru this process before, and even though every one tells you how hard it was for them and gives you the light at the end of the tunnel or silver lining encouragement, it still sucks when it's you, and when you're in it. We thought we had been disappointed before, but not to this extent.

Thankfully, I at least was at home by myself and had a few hours to deal with it on my own before I had to face my husband and be sad/mad together. But after Matt called to tell me yesterday, and I got Noah down for his much needed nap, I finally got time to get into my devotion time for the day. Because I NEEDED it badly. Well, first thing I do is check on a few blogs I follow to see what was new, and amidst a whole bunch of other disheartening news, I read the following quote, from MckMama:

I am really sad. Yet what brings me great comfort, even now, is that none of this surprises God. The fact that this morning has not gone well, by our earthly hopes and standards, does not mean that God is wringing His hands. This did not come out of the blue for Him. As my friend Ann likes to say, God is not on Plan B. This is still Plan A. Indeed. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."Isaiah 55:8-9 And so, I press forward in that knowledge, tear stained face and all.

I SO needed to hear that. And I SO needed to hear that from her. Because if ANYONE has reason to give up hope right now, it's her. So I started to thinking. I've been thinking of this lately, but it really hit me hard today. And I started being specific with it.

Why am I so quick to sulk of my present situation?
Do I not have EVERYTHING that I need? And SO MANY things that I want?
Do I not live in a more than spacious apartment with the two men in my life who I love the most, with all kinds of toys and gadgets that we don't need and a great yard and pool and ball courts....
Has God not been SO GOOD to us?!?!
Has He not brought us to a new place of ministry where we feel blessed in so many ways?
Has He not ALWAYS provided for our every financial need? Do I not have story after story about how money came thru when we needed it most?
Has He not brought renewed health to Noah and do I not have faith he will do it again?

• I read and follow this blog of a woman who has spent the last 5 weeks with her 5 month old in the hospital while her infant son is fighting for his life and could go into heart failure at any moment. And yet she continues to give praise and glory to God throughout.
• I read of another woman who just experienced/celebrated the one year birthday (that didn't happen)of her youngest daughter, who only survived 2 1/2 hours outside of the womb because of a fatal condition discovered at 20 wks. utero that she would never recover from. That same woman who carried a dying baby in her womb for 17 some weeks just left yesterday for Calcutta, India, with Compassion International.
• I have 3 close friends who have been trying to get pregnant and have been yet unable to carry a baby full term.
• I have a friend who just decided to ADOPT 3 children under the age of 5 into her family in the coming month. They already have one child, age 4.
• I have another friend who just gave birth to her second child--healthy, thankfully--but is learning what it is like to be exhausted all over again now as she has 2 children to care for.
• I have another friend who just found out her older brother may have a virus that causes bells palsy, possibly a brain tumor.
• I have 2 siblings and several close friends who are still waiting for God to bring into their lives the spouses that he has planned for them.
• A woman in our Life Group just buried her mother, and 2 weeks later just lost her job.

I have sooo much....and I know of soooo many people who are struggling so much right now.
(Maybe you're one of them. Wanna be added to my list?) Anyway, my point is, I NEED this perspective in my life. I need to pick up my head and remember that I am not by ANY means the only one who finds themselves in a waiting time in my life, or feeling disappointment or frustration. And this is surely not the end of the world. It is just a bump in the road that will one day be a reminder of God's provision and providence in my life.

I. am.blessed. I thank God today for all the ways He has blessed me and my family. I pray that He would continue to do so---bless us---but I will CHOOSE to praise Him all the more even when He doesn't choose to make the blessings as evident--when "life happens" the way that it sometimes does--because "I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain".

Then, as if that wasn't enough for one day, after my time in the blogging world and that whole revelation, I get into my Bible Study of Esther. I had to miss this week's video session, and gulp, I admit I am a few days behind, for the first time, because of Noah being sick. So today's lesson was supposed to be done a few days ago, NOT today. But of course, what do I read? 1)Acts 17:26 "He [God] determined the times set for [us] and the exact places that [we] should live." 2) God will continue to "work out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." Eph 11:1; 3) "I am not called to an easy life; I am called to a purposeful life" BM, Esther Bible Study.

I about quit breathing all together when I saw that Acts verse. Can you believe it? I know we shouldn't take everything the Bible says literally, but come on now! On THIS day?!? So, today I choose to believe everyone when they remind me with all their cheesiness that "God must have a house all picked out for you!" and "You just haven't found the right one yet", because against all cynicism that creeps in, I believe it to be true, too. I know God has brought us to this place at this time and He will show us exactly where He has always planned for us to be. And this is not Plan B, but God's plan A. My memory verse for this week is Prov. 16:9 "In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."